Then Peter came and said to him, ‘Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven  times.  Matthew 18:21-22

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C. S. Lewis said, “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have someone to forgive.” How true!

Lewis Smedes said, “When you forgive someone, you are dancing to the rhythm of the divine heartbeat……it’s a dance that takes a lot of practice!

I remember seeing my father and a group of young German students “dancing to that rhythm of the divine heartbeat” in 1969 - in the living room of my parents’ home. Here’s how that happened….

I have mentioned that my father, who is now 91, was born & raised in Cardiff, Wales. Before WWII he was a “bobby”, a policeman, in Liverpool, Wales. My mother, Betty Stark, met Doug Cullen, when she was traveling with her parents in Britain before the Second World War. Betty & Doug got engaged when Doug went to Canada for Royal Air Force training.

During WWII my dad was a bombardier in the British Royal Air Force. He flew with a crew of 7 in big, 4-engine, Halifax bombers.

In June through December of 1943 they were flying night bombing missions over Germany – their squadron operating with 50% losses on a number of those missions.

My father’s brother, Andrew, for whom I’m named, was in Britain’s merchant marine service during the war. In 1944 Andrew’s ship was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine and he was lost at sea. SO…………..

In the summer of 1969, before my senior year in college, I was working in Kansas City and living at home. That summer a group of young German students came to Kansas City with an organization called “Operation Reconciliation.” They were traveling to countries that had been at war with Germany. They were working out of Linwood Presbyterian Church and were bringing a message of reconciliation, forgiveness, healing – realizing that there were still wounds from WWII.

One evening my parents hosted a dinner for four of the German students – (Helmut Sassenberg & Heinz Wilhelm Frieber being two that I remember). During that evening my dad told about some of his experiences as bombardier with the Royal Air Force….The German students spoke about their family members who had been killed during the war. The students related the vision of Operation Reconciliation for former enemies to be reconciled & forgiven. There was much discussion; laughing, hugging and tears…We had prayer at the end of the evening.

That evening in our living room there was “dancing to the rhythm of the divine heartbeat.”

21 Then Peter came and said to him, ‘Lord, if another member of the church* sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’ 22Jesus said to him, ‘Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven* times.

One biblical scholar notes that “The difference between Peter’s proposal & Jesus’ pronouncement is not a matter of math or linguistics, BUT OF THE NATURE OF FORGIVENESS. Whoever counts has not forgiven at all but is only biding his or her time. The KIND OF FORGIVENESS CALLED FOR IS BEYOND ALL CALCULATION.” (Dr. M. Boring, The New Interpreter’s Bible).

Forgiveness holds a community together

In the January 24th Kansas City Star, Melissa Healy of the Los Angeles Times wrote an article entitled, Forgive for Your Own Good (FYI Section). She mentions the “science of forgiveness” being developed by Dr. Robert Enright, Professor of Human Development at the University of Wisconsin.  You google the “Enright Forgiveness Inventory” and find some very interesting information.

Enright gives the following psychological definition of forgiveness:

“Interpersonal Forgiveness is a willingness to abandon one's right to resentment, negative judgment, and indifferent behavior toward one who unjustly injured us, while fostering the undeserved qualities of compassion, generosity and even love toward him or her.”

We know that there is a correlation between physical health and forgiveness ….depression…..(another whole area to be explored is forgiving ourselves!).

The first word from Jesus on the cross is, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:32-38. What a powerful word!           

Hear the following reports from this past week: “JERUSALEM - Two gunmen infiltrated a rabbinical seminary and opened fire after nightfall Thursday. At least 8 people were killed including at least one of the terrorists. Israeli media said about 35 people were wounded. Most of the students at the seminary are high school age.”

“BAGHDAD -Two bombs struck a bustling shopping district in the heart of Baghdad on Thursday evening, turning display windows and cabinets and glass shelves into deadly shrapnel, and killing 54 people and wounding 123, the Iraqi authorities said.”  

How do we forgive….? It is not easy! It takes time. But it is possible!

There are some misconceptions about forgiveness:

• Forgiveness is not excusing or condoning hurtful behavior.
• Forgiveness is not a reforming act – we do not forgive someone in order to change them – forgiveness is a releasing act
• Misconception “Time heals all wounds” Forgiveness comes through actively participating in a spiritual process
• Misconception – “Forgive and forget.” It’s not only impossible it is damaging …we cannot bury the past - we can only deal with it.

                                     (See Embracing the Love of God by James Bryan Smith)

(We also have to be careful about how we ask for forgiveness…It’s like the story of the little girl who went to her mother and said, “Mommy, Johnny said I was stupid.” The mother said to her son Johnny, “Johnny, tell your sister that you are sorry.”  “OK,” Johnny said…and he turned to his sister and said, “I’m sorry you’re stupid.”)

There are stages of forgiveness which correspond to the five stages of grief:

• DENIAL  - I don’t admit I was hurt
• ANGER – It’s their fault I’m hurt
• BARGAINING - I set up conditions to be fulfilled before I’m ready to forgive.
• DEPRESSION – It’s my fault that I’m hurt
• ACCEPTANCE – I look forward to growing from the hurt….

(See Don’t Forgive Too Soon: Extending the Two Hands That Heal, by Dennis, Sheila & Matthew Lin).

Forgiveness is an evolutionary process, if you will. We must work through the various stages knowing that it will take time but that there will be growth throughout the process.

I conclude with the words of Ann Lamott in Traveling Mercies :

“I went around saying for a long time that I am not one of the Christians who is heavily into forgiveness – that I am one of the other kind. But even though it was funny, and actually true, it started to be too painful to stay this way…In fact, not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die.”!!!!!!!

When we don’t forgive we release negative energy to those around us. When we forgive we release enormous amounts of positive, life-giving energy….we dance to the rhythm of the divine heartbeat…we dance with Jesus.